Archive for the 'Funny' Category

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The extraordinary richness of human nature. And of course the loonies

I haven’t posted anything on this blog for over a week. Why? Because I’ve been at my first ICANN meeting on the other side – working as ICANN staff – and I simply didn’t have time to get around a post. Maybe I should have made the time. But when posting is something you would have to force yourself to do, rather than feel the need or desire to do, what’s the point?

Anyway, I just received this email, sent in response to an article I wrote for the The Register last year covering towering, heterosexual movie star Tom Cruise suing ole Jeff Burgar aka King Cybersquat for TomCruise.com. I felt the need to share it with the world because, well, because you have to wonder sometimes what is going on in people’s heads [email address altered to protect nutcase].

I have read your court actions with Jeff Burger and agree with you that you should sue the pants off of him. Let him become hungry and homeless. I am taking courses in becoming a lawyer myself. One of my dreams finally comming true. I have been accepted at Kennedy Western University. I am older than you and know that you are single just like me. The only thing I haven’t done is date, but of course Men are different than Women. I don’t believe on having sex on the first date. I won’t string you along because I am actually old enough to be your Sister or your Mom. I am a great fan of yours and when I visit some of my friend’s in California around next year or sooner I hope I can have a cup of coffee or two with you. Maybe even lunch because I come from Windsor, Connecticut. Maybe you know of someone who you could fix me up with. I like good looking men because I am very attractive. Sincerely, s********@comcast.net

Here’s who I feel sorry for

People who work in and around the pharmaceutical industry.

Imagine having all that spam appear at first glance to be legitimate email.

How about Pfizer executives? Every mention of Viagra draws your attention.

I am at the IETF meeting in the Hilton in Prague. But much as I would like to stick my head in, it is going to cost me a frankly rather ridiculous $750. No day pass here. And a $150 surcharge for not having paid the $600 last week. So I’m going to sit in the grand foyer, getting on with a backlog of work and occasionally grabbing conversations with people (which is what I’m here for anyway) as they walk past. If anyone wants to talk to ICANN’s general manager of public participation (or even just Kieren McCarthy), I’ve got a grey sweater and khaki trousers on, glasses, short brown hair, and I occasionally have a coughing fit.

Wednesday, Thursday, a touch busy sorting out my new role

I’m in Brussels trying to sort out exactly what I can do in my job in ICANN.

I have had no time to write anything because I’ve been trying to speak to everyone and trying to get as much out there and suck up as much as I can.

With a brain full of information I am desperately trying to get out but without time, I thought I’d at least treat myself to a blog post saying just that.

Apologies to the people that have called me the past three days and have received in return only quick text messages. Normal service will resume shortly.

Domain name cock-ups

Just seen this on a site called Easy Webber – a Top Ten guide to the worst domain names out there.

It’s basically smutty innuendo but also oddly amusing in one or two cases. For example, the number one slot goes to the website that aims to provide agent details for various famous people. Unfortunately Who Represents? decided to pitch up at http://www.whorepresents.com. There are, sadly, no presents available on the site.

I think possibly my favourite after that is an Italian Power Generator company at www.powergenitalia.com.

It reminds me of the early days of Internet filters when towns like Scunthorpe found that any mention of them had been wiped off the face of the Web. Anyway, some light-hearted Tuesday fun.

Embarassing Dad – the Independent tries blogging

I’m a bit late to this one, with Charles Arthur, Andrew Grant-Adamson, Martin Stabe; and Roy Greenslade all drawing collective gasps and stiffling laughter, but just in case there is anyone interested in the UK media that reads this blog but none of those above…

My god The Independent doesn’t get the Internet.

It has started – yes *started* – some blogs. Well, one collective blog. And it is, frankly, like an embarassing Dad getting up at a wedding and trying to show the kids that he’s still got life in the old legs yet.

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IT story picture banners

In a redesign last month, the site I news edit for Techworld.com started including a nice big pic on its front page for the lead news story.

I change the lead on average once or twice a day just so it doesn’t get stale and so visitors that may look at it in the morning and then come back in the afternoon aren’t faced with the same main image. But, of course, this led to a slight problem: where the hell do you get pics from to illustrate the story.

There was quite a bit of resistance to spending money on it, especially since the pic needs to have specific dimension (297 pixels wide – don’t ask me why – and roughly 140 px high so it doesn’t swamp the page and obscure the other news items). Fortunately for Techworld and for me, I love playing about with images. So I have been knocking up images – trying to make as many of them reusable as possible.

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Patti La Belle sings to ICANNers

I’m just watching the webcast of the ICANN open forum due to start in a second at Sao Paulo and the techies are playing Patti La Belle.

It’s no mistake, and Patti has a few things she wants to share with conference attendees from ICANN’s perspective. “Together we will live in paradise,” she explains, before outlining ICANN’s new policy to solving issues: “Anything on your sweet mind, I’ll make it happen for you.” That is bound to raise some eyebrows but Patti and ICANN are nothing if not pragmatic. “I’ll do anything – just keep it real.”

Hear hear, Patti. (Although maybe they’re asking too much from the next track – “Could it be I’m falling in love?” – a doubt it, let’s take these things one at a time.

Barney the evil dinosaur cowed

I love it when large corporates have their insane bullying tactics defeated and exposed. I remember for example having a pitched battle with Warner Brothers when they started threatening to sue children for having Harry Potter websites.

But even better, and much funnier, is the story which I have just comes across today where the company behind Barney the Dinosaur – a huge pink dinosaur that purports to be children’s entertainment – has been forced to back down in its legal action against a man running a satire site calling the fluffy dinosaur “evil”, and then producing a series of hilarious web pages pointing out why Barney was the devil incarnate and “to children as Osama Bin Laden is to Islam”.

You can see from the image on the left (grabbed from the site) that the owner was not being completely serious. It must be dreadful to be one of those people who sit in a room of people roaring with laughter and wondering why they don’t get it.

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Idiocy or a brilliant point well made? SmashmyPS3.com

I’ve just seen this while having a quick trawl round the Net – a video of two Americans queuing up for hours to buy a PlayStation 3, and then taking it outside where everyone is still queuing and smashing it up with a sledgehammer.

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Obviously on one level this is complete idiocy. But I also have to confess that I think it makes a strong point about the mindless hype and materialism of the modern world. What on earth are people doing queuing up for 18 hours to buy a game machine that just a few days later they will be able to stroll into any shop and buy with no fuss whatsoever?

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How to avoid learning perhaps a little too much about Kieren’s life

I mentioned about a month ago how I was considering setting up a second blog so I could more easily separate my personal and professional life. And yesterday, twice, I was reminded that there is a bit of an unusual overlap when I spoke to two people: one, the spokesman for a company I regularly report on; and the second, the CEO of a company I also follow closely.

Both of them made mention of my paella (I note with sadness that only one was interested in the actual recipe however). Now this was a tremendous paella, there’s no doubt about that, but I suspect that there may be a few people out there that don’t want to know about my lunch and so I am going to highlight here an easy solution to the problem: separate RSS feeds.

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